what sort of car does jesus drive
i hate chryslers
i hate jesus
attention passengers this is your pilot speaking, we’re going to be experiencing some heavy turbulence shortly so please strap in. this loser just bet that i couldn’t do a 360 barrel roll in this thing and let’s just say i’m about to be $20 richer real soon
man i wish homophobic people were actually AFRAID of gay people like could you imagine having the power to strike fear in peoples hearts with your homo
"If I do not have one trazillion dollars on my doorstep by noon tomorrow, I swear I will KISS THIS WOMAN on the MOUTH in front of your children.”
(Source: hillaryrodhamclintonofficial, via isthat-aunicorn-or-anarwhal)
"We [the cast of ‘Teen Wolf’] are goofy kids. We’re unprofessional. We’re funny. We’re smart, clever and sexy and beautiful. I’m just talking about myself. I’m not talking about the rest of the cast."
(Source: tylerdylans, via lucyvixenxoxo)
"How do you two know each other?"
*makes up ridiculous lie to not have to say you met on the Internet*
this oatmeal has god damn dinosaur eggs in it and then when you cook it THE DINOSAURS FUCKIN HATCH IM SO PUMPED
how fucking metal is this. you’re hatching dinosaurs which YOU EAT
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